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高分作文点评

更新时间:2023-02-03 21:46:09

[考场小绝招]

[examination room tips]

在考场上“写什么”固然重要,但“怎样写”更重要。所以一定要发挥自己的长处,避免自己的短处。“我想握住你的手”,看似是不宜写成议论文的,更不宜写成“三段论”式的议论文,而这位考生偏偏是发挥了自己写这种议论文的长处,经过周密构思,在限制中跳出优美的舞蹈,写出这样一篇焕发文采的议论文,即说明此。

"What to write" is important, but "how to write" is more important. So we must give full play to our strengths and avoid our weaknesses. "I want to hold your hand". It seems that it is not suitable to write argumentative papers, let alone syllogism argumentative papers. However, the examinee just played the advantages of writing argumentative papers by himself. After careful design, he danced gracefully in the restriction and wrote such a glowing argumentative paper, that is to say.

[说三道四]

[gossip]

这是一篇被评为68分的作文。它的成功可以归结为以下几点:一、立意高远。“我想握住说真话的人的手”,确实比别的立意都要高远。在现实社会中,说真话确实不容易,是需要勇气的,有时候要付出生命的代价,所以要握住他们的手,难能可贵。二、结构层次清晰。作者写这篇作文是经过周密构思的,开头直接亮出观点,以“崇敬”、“支持”、“决心”三个关键词总领全文,以下在说明“想”的原因时,按照这三个方面依次说来,层次非常清晰,而且层层递进,一步步丰富“握手”的内涵,最后一段照应题目与开头,升华主旨,使得结构完整。三、内容充实。从形式上看,这还是一篇“三段论”式的议论文,总论点下面分解为三个分论点,但分论点下面有丰富的论据和分析,这样做到了内容饱满充实。四、语言流畅。是一篇较有文采的议论文。

This is a composition rated 68. Its success can be summed up in the following points: first, high intention. "I want to hold the hand of the one who tells the truth", it is indeed higher than other ideas. In the real society, it's not easy to tell the truth. It takes courage. Sometimes it costs life. So it's precious to hold their hands. 2、 The structure is clear. The author wrote this composition after careful consideration. At the beginning, he directly presented his views. He summarized the whole paper with three key words of "respect", "support" and "determination". When explaining the reasons for "thinking", according to these three aspects in turn, the level is very clear, and the level is progressive, step by step enriching the connotation of "handshake". The last paragraph refers to the topic and the beginning, sublimation The main idea is to make the structure complete. 3、 Content enrichment. From a formal point of view, this is still a "syllogism" argumentative paper. The general argument is divided into three sub arguments, but there are abundant arguments and analysis under the sub arguments, so that the content is full and substantial. 4、 Fluent language. It is a more elegant argumentative paper.

[说三道四]

[gossip]

全文立足于虚化的“你”―――文学,以充满感情的文字表达内心深处要握住文学的手直到永远的心声。文中用“是你”、“还是你”、“依旧是你”层层推进方式多角度阐述了“为什么要紧握文学的手的理由”:文学让自己穿越时空;让生活变得丰富多彩;让自己感悟人生哲理。其间既有收放自如的铺陈,也有对文学内涵的思索。行文流畅,多使用排比等整句,情感充沛,有一气呵成的气势。值得一提的是首尾的语言,有了“与文学握手”的感染力,显示考生运用文字的综合能力。明显的缺点是引用过多,有掉书袋之嫌,显得朴实不足,华藻有余。其实,写自己对文学的感情,不在于知道了多少,而是自己和文学之间那种难分难舍的亲和力,使文学成为自己生命中重要的一部分。

The full text is based on the fictitious "you" - literature, which expresses the deep feeling of the heart with the words full of feelings. It is necessary to hold the hand of literature until forever. In this paper, we use "it's you", "it's you" and "it's still you" to expound "the reason why we should hold the hand of literature tightly": literature makes us travel through time and space; makes our life colorful; makes us feel the philosophy of life. During this period, there are not only the free display, but also the reflection of literary connotation. The writing is fluent, and the whole sentence like parallelism is often used, which is full of emotion and has a momentum of one breath. It is worth mentioning that the first and last language, with the appeal of "shaking hands with literature", shows the comprehensive ability of candidates to use words. The obvious disadvantage is that there are too many citations, the suspicion of falling out of the bag, it seems simple and insufficient, and there are more algae. In fact, to write one's feelings for literature does not lie in how much one knows, but in the inseparable affinity between oneself and literature, which makes literature an important part of one's life.

[考场小绝招] 应当说“我想握住你的手”这样一个温情的题目,是有利于爱好文学的同学的。要写好这篇作文,一是要充分调动自己的文学积累,二是要学会造境抒情,本身使用第二人称,化虚为实,就有利于抒情,加之使用排比等整句,一路铺排而来,层层推进,这样就使感情越发浓郁,使行文更富有感染力。

[examination room tips] it should be said that such a warm topic as "I want to hold your hand" is beneficial to students who are interested in literature. To write a good composition, one is to fully mobilize their own literary accumulation, the other is to learn to create mood and lyric, and use the second person to turn the emptiness into reality, which is conducive to lyricism. In addition, the use of whole sentences such as parallelism can spread all the way and push forward layer by layer, which makes the feelings more gloomy and the writing more infectious.

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