THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他们攻击你的性格VS抱怨具体的事情。
Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some spouses criticize their partners more broadly. Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address, explains Weena Cullins, a marriage and family therapist. But saying 'you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?' is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address. And those kind of generalized digs - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situation.
大多数情侣意见不合时，一方会冲另一方大叫，说他们没有洗碗或忘记带垃圾出门，但有些情侣则是泛泛地批评另一半。说'你老是忘带垃圾出门，我真的很苦恼'是针对具体事情的抱怨，另一半能很快解决，婚姻和家庭治疗师维娜卡琳斯解释道。但说'你真是太懒了，你到底有什么毛病啊？'则攻击了他们的性格，而且也太过广泛、不容易解决。而这些泛泛地嘲讽--无论是公共的还是隐私的--都可以被当做情感施虐，因为这些嘲讽会消磨掉一个人的自尊心。总是收到那样的负面信息会打击你的自信、降低你的价值感，甚至让你不太容易离开负面消极的环境--尤其是本该爱你、尊敬你的人说出这些信息时。
THEY MAKE A LOT OF BUT STATEMENTS.
他们总是说但是。
When your partner makes a lot of but statements - like if they say you look beautiful, but... or, if you've slaved over a special dinner for them all day, and they respond with something like it's good, but it's a little dry - that's a red flag, especially if it's happening more than once a day. If your partner starts a phrase like this several times a day, then they're being overly critical, says Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a website that aims to help couples going through breakups. Statements like these don't seem like much at first, but years of this kind constant criticism will negatively affect anyone's self-worth, and that's pretty abusive.
当你的另一半总是说但是时--比如他们会说你看起来真好看，但是或是你忙碌了一整天为他准备了特殊晚餐，他们却说蛮好吃的，但是有点干了--这是个危险信号，尤其是当这种情况不止发生一两次时更是如此。如果你的另一半每天都要说好几遍类似的话，那可能就是他们过于挑剔了，前男友修复网站的创始人珍妮弗塞特说道，该网站旨在帮助情侣度过分手难关。起初，这些话看起来没什么影响，但多年来不断听到这种批评会消极地影响每个人的自我价值，这是相当粗鲁的。
THEY START ACTING WAY MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL.
他们的举动比平常更有魅力。
If you S.O. suddenly starts acting way more charming or nice than usual, that can be a red flag, too. This is an abuser's way of seducing you to trust them before they act out their abuse toward you, says Dr. Fran Walfish,.
如果你的另一半突然开始打扮得比平常更有魅力或更友善，那这也可能是一个危险信号。施虐者往往会以这种方式诱惑你相信他们，然后再向你施虐，Fran Walfish医生说道。