内心的独舞

2020-09-22 阅读 : 319 次

我是一只独舞独唱的小老鼠,拖着残肢,留下一个个深浅不一的脚印。

I am a little mouse dancing and singing alone, dragging the stumps, leaving footprints of different depths.

最炫的舞台

The most dazzling stage

从我呱呱坠地开始,我就在打造着这像荒地一般的舞台,我没有任何工具,除了双手和智慧,于是,我使用它们去开垦,这是我最美丽的舞台,尽管它那么小,尽管它不那么绚丽耀眼,但它是属于我的。

Since I was born, I've been building this wasteland like stage. I don't have any tools except hands and wisdom. So I use them to reclaim. This is my most beautiful stage. Although it's so small and not so dazzling, it belongs to me.

有一天,当心中最美丽的舞台与我有咫尺之遥时,我发现,我无力踏上这个舞┨ā—我受伤了。永不复原的伤。

One day, when the most beautiful stage in my heart was close to me, I found that I couldn't step on this dance - I was hurt. A wound that never recovers.

于是,这片净土,不再是我可以栖息的岛屿,而是囚禁着灰色梦想和灰色热情的灰色牢笼。我发现,我内心梦想的舞台坍塌了,在一瞬间。

Therefore, this pure land is no longer an island I can inhabit, but a gray cage holding gray dreams and gray passion. I found that the stage of my inner dream collapsed in an instant.

我是谁,住在哪

Who am I and where do I live

我是什么,我是谁?是一个舞者,亦或是一个小丑?我不知道。我所知道的是,我失去了自己的自由。

What am I, who am I? Is it a dancer or a clown? I don't know. All I know is that I lost my freedom.

我们被外界束缚着,父母、社会、学校将我们“充盈”起来,他们胜利了。我成为了他们最忠实的仆人。

We are bound by the outside world. Our parents, society and school "fill up" us. They win. I became their most loyal servant.

但这个仆人是生活在象牙塔里的,活在天堂上离上帝最近的地方,只是,她已无力再飞回人间。

But this servant lives in the ivory tower, the closest place to God in heaven, but she can no longer fly back to the world.

当意志被一丝丝地挖空,爱的光芒却“因规格不符”而无法“加载入仓”。当寒流席天卷地而来,我的世界降温到零下一百度,内心犹如冰窖。

When the will is hollowed out, the light of love can't be "loaded into the warehouse" because of "inconsistent specifications". When the cold current comes, my world will cool to a hundred degrees below zero. My heart is like an icehouse.

然后,哭泣,带着对梦想死亡的恐惧。

Then, cry, with the fear of death of dreams.

我住在这冰窖里,渴望飞翔,却不敢摆动翅膀。渴望自由,却又觉得一片迷茫;渴望真理,却又不敢单独地演讲歌颂真理的存在,只因生活得太安逸。

I live in this ice cellar, eager to fly, but I dare not swing my wings. Yearn for freedom, but feel confused; yearn for truth, but dare not speak alone to praise the existence of truth, just because life is too easy.

于是,从此,我也迁徙到了溺爱的旋涡中。自拔,是徒然。

So, from then on, I also moved to the vortex of doting. To extricate oneself is in vain.

重新打造我的舞台

Rebuild my stage

带着满身的伤痕和心灵的空洞,我回来了,开始重新打造自己的舞台。

With scars and empty hearts, I came back and began to rebuild my own stage.

我不再在乎别人的眼光,世俗眼中的我是好是坏我已经无暇再去顾及,我不再依附别人,不再孤孤单单地躲在角落,静静地看着父母、学校和社会为我铺设好的一切。

I no longer care about other people's eyes. I have no time to care whether I am good or bad in the eyes of the secular world. I no longer rely on others, no longer hide in the corner alone, and quietly watch my parents, school and society lay everything for me.

我要张开双臂,不再娇气,任冷风从耳边掠过,任每一寸发丝在风中痛苦地呻吟,痛苦地飞扬。

I want to open my arms, no longer delicate, let the cold wind pass by my ears, let every inch of hair moan and fly in pain in the wind.

我要在隐忍中学会成长,在历炼中读懂人生。

I want to learn to grow in forbearance and understand life through experience.

我要大声宣布,我要成为一名真正自主的舞者,就算观众只有我一个人。我要用最独特的舞姿,在自己的舞台上备受瞩目。

I want to say out loud that I want to be a truly autonomous dancer, even if I'm the only one in the audience. I want to use the most unique dance posture, in their own stage attention.

名师点评

Famous teachers' comments

《考试大纲》在“写作?基础等级”部分有两条重要要求:“内容充实”和“语言通顺”。“内容充实”,就是要言之有物、持之有据,用足够的高质量的材料显示文章主题;“语言通顺”,就是要求语言表达规范、准确、连贯而得体。《内心的独舞》一文,则是一篇虚而泛的抒情散文。

There are two important requirements in the "writing basic level" part of the "examination outline": substantial content "and" fluent language ". "Substantial content" means to have substance and evidence, and display the theme of the article with enough high-quality materials; "fluent language" means to require standardized, accurate, coherent and appropriate language expression. "Inner solo dance" is an empty and general lyric prose.

从内容上看,作者应该是读懂了题意的,但缺少实实在在的、血肉丰满的描写,较难引起读者共鸣。从语言表达看,既有优点,那就是挥洒得比较自如,可能作者读书比较多;但也存在缺陷,一方面是很多句子表意不明(如“我是一只独舞独唱的小老鼠”“我就在打造着这像荒地一般的舞台”“爱的光芒却‘因规格不符’而无法‘加载入仓’”“只因生活得太安逸”),另一方面病句也不少(比如“在自己的舞台上备受瞩目”等)。(唐惠忠)

In terms of content, the author should have understood the meaning of the question, but it is difficult to arouse readers' resonance due to the lack of realistic and full-fledged description. From the perspective of language expression, there are both advantages, that is, the author is more free to swing, and the author may read more books, but there are also defects. On the one hand, many sentences are unintelligible (for example, "I'm a solo mouse", "I'm building this wasteland like stage", "the light of love can't be 'loaded into the warehouse' because the specifications don't match", "just because life is too easy ”), on the other hand, there are many sick sentences (such as "attracting attention on your own stage", etc.). (Tang Huizhong)

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