想天

2020-09-20 阅读 : 312 次

麦收时节,天空显得非常的明净。在黄金麦田上空,偶尔悠然地游过几朵白云。[写景简洁,突现神彩!]

During the wheat harvest, the sky is very clear. In the sky over the golden wheat field, I occasionally swam a few white clouds leisurely. [the scenery is simple and vivid! ]

麦收时节,中午常是烈日当空。我们勤劳的父母,不得不在烈日下劳动。[起笔先点出“烈日”两次,重复得好!]因为作为农民,这是他们的义务。[说得多么本分!]

In the wheat harvest season, the sun is often hot at noon. Our hardworking parents have to work in the hot sun. [point out the "hot sun" twice before starting. Good repetition! ]Because as farmers, it's their duty. What a gift! ]

我是一个农家子弟。我明白我们乡下的家长们要靠田地来生活,供我们上学。他们为了子女辛勤地劳动,但没有半句怨言。在家,我常听到他们说:“只要孩子搞好了,再苦再累,我们都愿意……”[可怜农家父母心!“搞好”,此词用得妙,传神。]

I am a farmer's son. I understand that our parents in the countryside depend on the land to live and provide us with school. They worked hard for their children, but there was no complaint. At home, I often hear them say: "as long as the children do well, no matter how hard or tired, we are willing to..." Poor farmer's parents! "Do well", this word is well used and vivid. ]

农家子弟努力学习吧!全力以赴吧!我们敬爱的父母为了我们能过上好日子,他们埋头在烈日当空的麦田里收割麦子。那种滋味,你们体会过吗?[此处喊“口号”了,但听来很顺耳,很入耳。前两节,均说“我们”、“他们”,请品味。]

Let's study hard! Go all out! Our beloved parents, for the sake of a good life for us, buried themselves in the wheat fields in the hot sun. Do you know that taste? [the "slogan" is called here, but it sounds very pleasant. In the first two sections, "we" and "they" are said. Please taste them. ]

在即将奔赴高考考场的前两天,我体会到了。又热又累。当时,我唯一的希望就是快点把麦子割完,到家洗个澡,然后在床上睡五六个小时。

I realized it two days before I was going to the college entrance examination. It's hot and tired. At that time, my only hope was to cut the wheat quickly, take a bath at home, and then go to bed for five or six hours.

6月5日早晨,我爸起得很早。四点多钟就起了。他临下地时告诉我说:“你再睡会吧!六点钟起来做饭,然后洗洗衣服,八点钟到地里给我送饭。”[全是农家父亲的质朴话语,多情而又实在!有几个家长让孩子在高考前两天劳动的?]

On the morning of June 5, my father got up early. It's about four o'clock. When he came down to the ground, he told me, "go to sleep again! Get up at six o'clock to cook, then wash clothes, and go to the ground at eight o'clock to deliver rice to me. " [it's all the simple words of the farmer's father, affectionate and real! How many parents let their children work two days before the college entrance examination? ]

我睡醒后,拿起表一看:5:50。大概在学校里起早起惯了吧。我快速穿上衣服。我把衣服泡在铁盆里。然后,我进入厨房做饭。

When I wake up, I pick up my watch and look: 5:50. I guess I'm used to getting up early at school. I put on my clothes quickly. I soaked my clothes in an iron basin. Then I went into the kitchen to cook.

我做好饭,洗好衣服。又把汤盛到饭盆里,拿了5个馍,一齐放到篮子里。我赶紧吃过饭。碗都没涮,便骑车下地了。

I cook and wash. Then he put the soup into the rice basin, took five steamed buns and put them all in the basket. I had a quick meal. I didn't even wash the bowl, so I rode to the ground.

当我到地里时,父亲已割了七八垄了。他脸上很多汗珠,衣服湿透了。他说:“你来,吃过了吗?我割光这一垄,再吃……”[白描。父亲的言语,平淡中见“浓”!]

When I arrived in the field, my father had cut seven or eight ridges. He had a lot of sweat on his face and his clothes were wet. He said, "have you eaten yet? I'll cut this ridge and eat...... " [sketch. Father's words, plain see "thick"! ]

大概四五分钟吧,他割光了。他从篮子里拿出饭盆、馍头,边吃边说:“孩子,你爸没本事,明天到县城后好好休息!后天好好考,别紧张……”[这就是当农民的父亲,在田野上,在烈日下,对“后天”高考的孩子进行的“临考告诫”!苍天和大地都在倾听……]

About four or five minutes. He's cut. He took out the rice basin and steamed bun head from the basket and said: "my son, your father has no ability. He will have a good rest tomorrow when he gets to the county town! Take a good test the day after tomorrow. Don't be nervous... " This is the "temporary examination warning" for the children of "the day after tomorrow" college entrance examination when the farmer's father is in the field and in the hot sun! Heaven and earth are listening ]

我在烈日下割了五个多小时麦子。[不愧是农民的孩子!没有考前烦躁,没有“营养品”,没有父母高招“安慰”,只有本本色色的“劳动”!]回到家,我没有吃饭。洗了个澡,就睡了。[与前文呼应,真是累得瘫了!]

I have been cutting wheat in the hot sun for more than five hours. [worthy of being a farmer's child! There is no fidgety before the exam, no "nutrition", no parents' clever "comfort", only the original color of "labor"! ]Back home, I didn't eat. Take a bath and go to sleep. [in response to the previous article, I am so tired that I am paralyzed! ]

现在,我在考场上做题。室内很凉快。[“凉快”二字,极为重要,很沉重!]当考试结束后,我要在烈日下站两小时,来感受那种烈日当空的滋味。[此为一个大大的“亮点”,全文生辉,一切皆活。“怀想”出来了,“天”出来了,比天还“大”的农民出来了,比天还“亲”的父亲出来了。一切皆在不言之中……]

Now, I'm working on the questions in the examination room. It's cool in the room. ["cool" is very important and heavy! ]When the test is over, I will stand in the hot sun for two hours to feel the feeling of the hot sun in the sky. [this is a big "bright spot", the full text is brilliant, everything is alive. "Nostalgia" came out, "heaven" came out, "big" farmers came out, and "pro" father came out. Everything is in silence ]

评点:此文很典型,不事张扬,不搞“满天星”的铺陈铺排,不搞华彩炫目的“集锦”,不玩深沉,只是极为朴实地记叙了父亲割麦、自己割麦的情景,中间一节还喊了“口号”!然而,它真实、本色、真情、纯净,一板一眼地道来,汹涌的内心波涛潜伏其间。父亲的言语,极少,但厚实、博大;儿子的情感表述很普通,但均发自肺腑。最大的亮点在最后:“考场很凉快”,与麦地很热对比;“当考试结束后,我要在烈日下站两小时,来感受那种烈日当空的滋味”——天下还没有儿子这样来感激当农民的父亲,文章中还没有人用过这种笔墨,这种机智!太感人了,而且是长效的!中学第一线的语文老师,可以此做为教学范例,进一步把握好作文导向。

Comments: This article is very typical. It doesn't make things public. It doesn't make the "stars all over the sky" layout. It doesn't make the colorful and dazzling "collection". It doesn't play deep. It just describes the situation of my father cutting wheat and myself cutting wheat in a very simple way. In the middle section, I also called "slogan"! However, it is true, natural, true and pure. It comes straight from the ground, and the surging inner waves lurk in it. The father's words are few, but thick and broad; the son's emotional expression is very common, but all come from the heart. The biggest highlight is at the end: "the examination room is cool", which is hot compared with the wheat field; "when the examination is over, I will stand under the hot sun for two hours to feel the taste of the hot sun in the sky" - there is no son in the world who would like to thank him for being the father of the farmer, and no one in the article has used this kind of ink, which is smart! It's very touching, and it's long-term! Chinese teachers at the front line of middle school can take this as a teaching example to further grasp the composition orientation.

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